Tears

Urrrrrgh, I just got a hefty bill from Verizon. My stomach is in knots and I want to crawl under the bed. How could I have used so many minutes during peak hours??

I used to rely on my office phone at work for my daytime calls (when I had a real job), and now that I don't have that land-line I'm screwed. Not that I ever made any long personal calls at work (are you guys still reading this, bosses?).

Anyway, stupid lesson learned - yacking away during peak hours = disaster.

Cycle

Somehow I once again ended up in one of those "spinning" classes at the gym. It's pure torture. Five minutes into the warm-up I regret being there. I always feel like I'm dying in that class and this is despite cheating my way through the exercises.

Scary cycling trainer yells "Turn the resistance up THREE TIMES TO THE RIIIIIGHT!!" and I turn the knob one time to the right. And then she screams "Turn it TWO MORE TIMES TO THE RIIIIIIGHT!!!!" and I turn my knob one time to the left.

Still, my face gets tomato-red from exhaustion and I sweat buckets, probably more than anyone else in the class. I look around and I see everyone else turning the resistance-knob in the right direction and they follow along in the exercises perfectly "And STAAAAAND! And SIIIIIT! And STAAAAAND! And SIIIIIIIT!". I don't understand.

I leave the class with spaghetti legs (cooked spaghetti).

Alive

Tomorrow night I'm going out for drinks with Yona and Peg to celebrate our one week graduation anniversary from EMT school. Reflecting on that experience I've realized that we've learned a lot more than stabilizing and treating patients. There's a whole new set of words we use and some behavioral issues as well.

For example:

• Call police for back-up is: "Call PD"
• FDNY is not pronounced F.D.N.Y, you say "Fidnee".
• "Peeds" means kids (pediatrics).
• Index finger = "trigger finger"
• Middle finger = "the communicator"
• Croak = to die
• Expire = to die
• Homeless people or crazy people = "EDPs" (emotionally disturbed persons)
• If a patient is alert and conscious he/she is = "AVPU"
• If a person is alert and also knows who, where and what he/she is, it's = "He's A&O times 3".
• "Eyes are pearl" means the pupils react to light normally.
• "Bag him!" means give oxygen.

Another thing we learned is that when you do chest compressions on a cardiac arrest patient, you should follow the beat of the Bee Gees' song "Staying Alive" and you'll get the exact right amount of compressions per minute.

"Sing it in your HEAD - not out loud!" was the instruction.

Movie

Woke up this morning, put my flip-flops on, put my contact lenses on backwards, and went out to get a cup of coffee.

As I open the door I stare into a huge film camera mounted on top of one of those big crane things that move. A movie set. Tons of people standing around with headphones on and snacking on stale bagels, one person yelling out commands to seemingly no one and then an occasional "...AAAAAAND CUT!!" (that's the most exciting part of watching a film production). I looked around to see if I could see any famous actors or actresses but I never do.

I hustled past the production assistants and finally made my way to the deli where I bumped into our upstairs neighbor. He said:

"Did they ask you if the actors could stay at your place?"
Me: "Noooo.....? Should they?"
Neighbor: "They offered us $500 a night for one of the actors to stay with us."
Me: "Really? Send them to us! Or maybe our basement apartment is not good enough for the actors....?"

This last statement was meant as a joke but my neighbor did not disagree.

(Movie's called "100 feet")

Umbro

Yesterday's storm claimed another cheap umbrella's life. The west side of Manhattan always seems windier than the east, and I struggled to keep the umbrella from turning inside-out like a satellite-dish as I walked towards John Jay on 10th ave.

We wrestled across the avenues and I got to feel stupid and look stupid as the umbrella repeatedly turned satellite-dish on me. But then I found the perfect anti-wrestling angle - holding the umbrella in front of me at a 45 degree angle, walking into the storm with the umbrella shielding me perfectly. Nice. The umbrella wouldn't have it though. It rebelled and it was so filled with rage that I seriously thought it would collapse inward and trap my upper body inside. For the first time ever I realized that I was actually scared of an umbrella, afraid. The umbrella had to go.

Sun's out today.

Busy

Had a very busy week last week, and this week too, mostly due to exams and exams coming up.

We practiced our ambulance skills like crazy to prepare for our New York state practical exam which was on Saturday. Our practice sessions got a little silly (nervous energy) and we had our imaginary patients breaking out with smallpox while going into labor and crowning. After hours of practice we went to the corner pub for pints and french fries and some more pints. Two of our instructors joined us, but we are supposed to pretend they were never there.

Saturday was the big day. Nervous as hell, in uniform. My first station was "medical assessment & treatment" and I had to verbalize and treat a cardiac patient (pretend obvi) while the judge judged. Second station was "management of AED", third was "bag valve mask w/ oxygen", fourth was "trauma" where I had a MVA victim, fifth was KED (spine immob.) and sixth was "ventilation with PFM". We were there from 8am - 5pm. I passed! Such a relief.

I went home in a sweaty uniform and found........... Sean on the couch with the cat. He's home!!

Cheers.

Time

The Time Warner people always give their appointment time as if it's a daypart, not a specific time. For example, my appointment for them to check out my sporadic Internet connection today was "sometime between 10am and 2pm" instead of "10:30am sharp." Urrgh.

Hence, I just spent four hours waiting for these guys to ring the doorbell, and I had to hide from Jehova's Witnesses that were out ringing doorbells as well. Not an easy task.

Cable guy finally arrived at 2:10pm, three hours after Jehova. "Yo' box is screwed up, need to change it". Ok great.

Sun

Started cultivating my farmer's tan. I had a few hours to kill before class started and I found this nice bench in the sun outside John Jay that I accidentally took a nap on. I slept for an hour on that bench. My bag was still next to me when I woke up (with wallet inside) and I could feel that the right side of my face must be redder than my left. It is. But at least I'm not lobster red.