Impulse buy

Amidst frustration and impatience at Target, I suddenly became inspired to make a spontaneous purchase. Another customer was trying out pillows in the bed-and-towels aisle. He was standing up, pressing the pillow against his neck and head using both hands. Then he placed the pillow on one of the shelves, shoulder height, and arched his neck backward trying to lean his head against the pillow. Finally, he threw the pillow and himself on the floor, resting his head on the pillow the way you're supposed to.

I walked up to him and said: "How's that pillow working out for you?"
"It's good!" he replied, looking up at me, "it's not at all like those other fluffy ones."
"Is this the one you're using?" I asked and grabbed one from the shelf.
"Yeah," he said, still on the floor, "isn't it awesome?"

He was right. The pillow was awesome. Firm and soft at the same time, like a tempurpedic, but not a tempurpedic. I decided I cannot live without this pillow.

Not until I got home did I notice the smell. The pillow has a funky chemical smell to it. I washed it in disbelief. But it still smells...

Contemplation

I'm standing in the locker room at the gym, completely naked, ready to jump in the shower. A maintenance lady who works at the gym walks straight up to me and I get the feeling that, somehow, I'm in trouble.
"You're going into those showers??" she asks, frowning.
"...yeah...at least I thought I was?" I hesitate.
"You can't shower now, there are men working in there!"

I look around the room and no one else is undressed. I'm the only naked person in the locker room. I feel certain that, at this very moment, I must be the only naked person in all of Brooklyn. How come the other women knew there are guys behind that curtain? Nobody told me.

The maintenance lady walks back to the showers and returns to let me know:
"They say that you can shower in the stall next to them. If you want."

I consider this offer for a few seconds. I am in a hurry, I have to be in the city in 3o something minutes. No way I have time to go home and shower. And, will they really peek? Why would they do that? That would be so silly. I'm sure they're decent guys.

But then I notice that all the other women in the locker room - the ones who have all their clothes on - are staring at me, in silence, and I get to my senses. Maybe it would be a weird thing to shower next to the plumbing guys or whoever they are.

"Thanks, maybe next time!" I say and put my dirty gym clothes back on and dart out of there.

Ta en bok och skrik!

Frantic phone call from my little sister:
- "There's a cockroach in the living room!!"
+ "Oh no, you're so gonna to have to kill it."
- "I'm sooooo scared!! It's half way under the rug, and half of it is on the floor! What if it crawls under the rug??"
+ "Ok you just have to kill it fast, here's what you do - grab a book and throw it at..."
- "I'm already holding a book"
+ "Is it a big heavy book?"
- "Yes, it's the Bible"
+ "The Bible? You're going to kill it with the Bible??"
- "Yeah, it's either that or my Oxford Encyclopedia"
+ "But... the Bible...?"
- "It's some Catholic edition"
+ "Ok throw it"
I hear a loud scream and a 'THUMP'
+ "Did you get it?? Did you kill it??"
- "Yeees....."
I hear three more loud thumps - THUMP! THUMP! THUMP!
+ "What's going on now?"
- "I'm jumping on top of the Bible"

Ripped

Ever since Dave-the-trainer measured my body fat percentage with his stupid body fat machine, I've been pumping some serious iron every day. How dare that machine say I have 25% body fat?? According to that machine, I'm a fat skinny person.

There is a possibility that Dave measured me incorrectly since I made him do it even though he's in a cast with a broken hand. But what if it's true?

That's why I'm building muscle now. I'm working out the way guys work out - huge dumb bells in each hand even if it means I can only do 3 reps before I drop them. And I don't care if I grunt. God damn that body fat machine.

Best behavior

A friend of Sean's is visiting and he's staying with us this weekend. I've never met him before so I'm trying to make a good impression and not seem weird.

For example, I refrain from my regular shriek to the cats - beedeebeeedeeebiff biff biiiiif!! - when I enter the apartment. I also don't lie down on my back on the floor screaming gooozy-gooozy-gooozy!! while flailing my arms in the air to get their attention. I think Sean's friend would be weirded out by that. It's hard though, I'm so used to talking gibberish with the cats. I've only slipped up one time so far during our visitor's stay here - an unexpected "beeedee!" came out all of a sudden. Oh well.

Hammock

A bunch of hipsters live two backyards north of us. They rent the bottom floor of a brownstone just like us, and their yard is filled with hammocks. Like 6 or 7 of them. At least. They throw parties all the time and I'm sure their hipster friends hang out in the hammocks during such events.

The other day I peaked into their place, as I always do when I go get coffee, and it hit me - I have a fucking hammock at home! Fuck, we're going to have a fucking hammock in the backyard too! The hammock is not really mine, but who cares. Someone left it behind in my old college Williamsburg apartment that I shared with a couple of friends, and when we all moved I took the hammock. I have a hammock!

The hammock is kind of scary to be in. I was all gungho putting it up and all, but I get kind of nauseas lying in it. I get motion sick. I'm also afraid that it's going to collapse and I will hit my back hard against the ground. And I'm scared that it will sort of start twisting around, entangling me, and then spitting me out on the hard ground. Or worse, what if it traps me and I can't get out. I also worry about air conditioners coming crashing down from neighbors' bedroom windows higher up in the building. WHY IS IT SO HARD TO RELAX??

Window

The cats have never been outside so we thought it would be a great idea to introduce the kitties to the garden now that it looks so nice and all. However, our-cats-loving-the-outdoors project turned out to be a complete failure.

Bentley totally flipped out when I put a collar around his neck. He tornado-ed around the apartment in a complete frenzy until I caught him under the bed and yanked the collar off of him. Basically he never even made it out there. Kompis went outside but he freaked out when a bee came too close and we had to bring him back inside (after he almost escaped over the fence - at least in my mind he almost escaped, it might have been less dramatic in reality).

So the cats are back in the window again, doing exactly what domestic city cats are supposed to do - look out.

Garden

Sean and his younger brother Thomas did a fantastic job in our backyard. It would be appropriate to call the backyard "the garden" at this point. That's how nice it looks. The brothers got rid of all the weeds and trash and old stuff left lying around from last summer.

We picked up flowers and herbs at the nursery, to plant in the garden. I wish I could list the flowers we bought, but truth to be told, I have no idea what we picked out. Except for one flower that's called SALIVA. Ha! I thought that was really cool and funny until I read the label again and realized it said "Salvia". Not saliva. Plus, it's technically not a flower, it's some type of mint, according to Wikipedia.

Oh yeah, Thomas also got a Venus Flytrap - a carnivore plant. How crazy that a plant can eat meat. Too bad Kompis the cat decided to eat the meat-eating plant. It's in his belly right now, the whole thing except for the soil.

My contribution to this domestic weekend was to clean the windows. And so I did - I rubbed the windows spotless using newspaper and real Windex, the way you're supposed to clean stuff like windows. The windows are so clean that birds can crash into them no problem if they come this way.

Aaaah, it's not so bad doing house & garden stuff.