Cup of Pee

Peeing in a cup is not easy. It's even more difficult when an angry nurse is waiting right outside the bathroom door. "Just a minute..." my voice cracks, and the warm pee hits my hand instead of the cup. How am I supposed to do this? Do other women aim right? Why don't they give us something bigger to pee in when we have to do these stupid drug tests, like maybe a bucket?

Most of my pee is on my hand, dripping down on the floor. How gross. Only a few drops make it inside - not even close to the 40 mL mark that the angry nurse has drawn with an angry magic marker. Shit. More peeing outside of the cup. If I just scooped up some water from the toilet bowl it would contain my pee at this point. But maybe the drug test results would come back funky this way.

Amazingly, I manage to sprinkle 40 mL into the cup in the end. I step outside and proudly hand the nurse my cup of pee. Completely gloved up she holds it up towards the light and eyes it with a frown. But there is enough pee. She checks the temperature of the pee to make sure I didn't bring in someone else's pee and transfered that pee into my cup. She then puts a sticker with 'date and time' on a separate tube and pours my pee into that tube. Then, she hands me the tube.

"Put your initials here!" she growls and points to the sticker on the tube that contains my pee. What? I don't want to touch that tube without wearing latex gloves. She has gloves on - I don't. But then again, given that I just peed on my bare naked hands, jotting down my initials on that tube shouldn't matter too much. Still, I hold the pen as far away as possible from the 'ink-point' and scribble down KE in caps.