Big scare

I come home, go into the bathroom, and run into the BIGGEST cockroach I have ever, ever, ever seen. Quickly, I pick up Kompis the cat who is rubbing up against my legs, and throw him into the bathroom and close the door. Kill it! Kill it! Kill it!

Commotion for about twenty minutes. How can I ever open the door?? I lay flat on my stomach in the bedroom and peak under the bathroom door (about 5 feet away, safe distance). I see Kompis' paws. He's circling the scale, like a shark. Then, he sticks one of his paws under the scale and tips it on its side - and there it is, the nasty bug is hiding under the scale!! Kill it! Kill it! KILL IT!! Kompis chases it under the cat box. No way Kompis can lift the cat box with his little paw. I call Sean.

"You have to go in there and kill it yourself," says Sean, "you just have to, think that you're tough, you're an EMT! If you can do that stuff, you can kill a bug."
"Noooo, EMT work is just about life and death... This is a ROACH!!"
"You have to do it, we don't want that thing to roam around the apartment."

I realize I must step in. Armed with a thick book - The Encyclopedia of Natural Medicine - I swing the door open and pull the cat box out from the wall. Kompis spots the roach and corners it. I throw the book. It's a hit!! Die roach, die roach!! To make sure it's really dead I also step up on the Encyclopedia and jump. Take that, motherfucker. I hope Sean will clean up the dead body when he comes home.