Lbs

I passed my annual physical exam with a healthy grade. But it didn't start out too well when the doctor entered the room and said whooooah when he looked at the EKG print out. What? What? What? "Nothing, your heart rate is just really slow."

My heart rate was 50 beats per minute and my blood pressure was 100/70. This means I'm barely alive. I hardly have a pulse. A slow heart rate is fine if you're a cyclist or a runner, but I'm neither. What's going on? No wonder I fall asleep every time I sit down, chin-to-chest style, my heart is on vacation. I sleep on the subway, I sleep in my bio class, I sleep everywhere. One time I fell asleep standing up.

What's even worse than not having a pulse is that I've gained weight since last year. I'm not supposed to be able to gain weight. "Well, you're not 20 years old anymore." What tha' f-ck?? That shit doesn't apply to me. It should not apply to me. ooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhh...