(Mal)nutrition

As a massage therapist I would like for everyone, especially my clients, to think of me as someone who is in excellent shape. People should look at me and see a well-balanced meal and an intense exercise program. I even wear a black t-shirt that says 'Individual Fitness Solutions'. Gives me a little bit more credibility.

I do not, however, eat well. I don't even exercise that much. My sister who has never been on a treadmill before beat me to the gym twice this week.

One of my massage clients is a nutritionist. She likes to talk about healthy stuff during our sessions. I've done a good job pretending that I'm right there with her on the health train. Until today, when I foolishly revealed to her some of my eating habits. It was not intentional. It all went downhill after I told her I don't eat meat (which is in and of itself not a bad thing).

Nutritionist: "Oh cool, so you're a vegetarian, huh?"
Me: "Well, I just don't eat meat."
Nutritionist: "Sounds like a vegetarian to me."
Me: "Yeah...thing is, I don't really eat vegetables either."

Gasp!! Silence. Stare.

Me: "I mean, I eat bananas sometimes..."
Still silence. And then:
"So what do you eat? No meat? No veggies? How do you get protein, beans?"
"Naw, I eat pasta."
"What about lunch, what do you eat for lunch?"
"Pasta."
"And dinner...??"
"Pasta, usually."
"Pasta TWICE a day and no protein and no vegetables?? Do you take a multi-vitamin??"
"I used to...."
"Oh my God! You're a mess, what do you put on your pasta?"

Shit. No way I can tell her I put ketchup on my pasta and then sprinkle half a cup of cheap parmesan on top of that.

"You know... sauce....?"

I also decided not to tell her that I dip my pizza in mustard.

She did, however, find out that I sprinkle Lucky Charms on top of my Total cereal for breakfast. And that I quite often order cheese-fries in bars. The conversation went on for quite a while and I could tell that my image as a health-guru had been shattered.

But I assured her that I am familiar with some veggies and that yes, I do know what an avocado is, even though I only eat it in guacamole form to supplement my nachos.

She's taking me grocery shopping next week at Whole Foods Market, a block away from the studio.